


being better

by Daydreamer5187



Series: IronDad and SpiderSon [7]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: But he's trying, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Tony, Irondad, Parent Tony Stark, Precious Peter Parker, Swearing, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony doesn't know how to be a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 11:11:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreamer5187/pseuds/Daydreamer5187
Summary: “I don’t- I don’t-”“Don’t what? Don’t what, Tony? What is so important that you can’t even look at me anymore?!”“I don’t know how to be father!”Peter froze. That wasn't what he was expecting, and by the look of him, neither was Mr.Stark.





	being better

**Author's Note:**

> oh look more of my shitty writing. This one was another plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. At some point I'll remember how to actually write something that isn't like 2000 words and crap, but today is not that day.

“I don’t- I don’t-”

“Don’t what? Don’t _what_, Tony? What is so important that you can’t even look at me anymore?!”

“I don’t know how to be father!”

Peter froze.

Whatever he’d been expecting Mr.Stark to say, it wasn’t that. From the look on Tony’s face, neither was he.

The man was shaking, eyes all wide and sunken with exhaustion. Peter realized then that he’d pushed too hard, Tony was too close to a panic attack for Peter to shout at him like he did. Guilt made his stomach heavy, made his throat swell with an invisible lump, but he was still angry and so, so, confused.

“W-what…” the teen breathed, “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Tony slid a dirty hand over his eyes, pressing harshly over his features. “That’s, that’s not how I meant for that to come out kid, I’m sorry.”

The inventor turned away from Peter, letting out a shaky and resigned sigh, like he expected the kid to leave.

“No,” Peter took a shaky breath, “no, what do you mean?”

Tony cursed under his breath and whipped back around to face Peter, looking wild and wrecked but nevertheless resolved to say what needed to be said.

“I don’t mean that I think I’m your dad kid, just please know that I’m not trying to replace anyone. I just- it’s just that I, I look at you sometimes and it’s like… I can’t explain it. But it’s there and it’s in my heart and I know I should recognize that kind of love, but I don’t.”

Peter’s eyes shone with _something_ and all the anger drained from his veins.

“And so I don’t know what to do, a majority of the time I have no clue what I’m supposed _to do,_ but I don’t want to mess it up.” Tony stopped for a breath. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t, mess it up, I mean.”

“Mr.Stark, I-”

“No, Peter, look, I know I’m no good for you. And I thought I could figure it out, but I can’t. I just… I don’t know how…” _to be a father _stuck itself onto the end of his sentence again. Tony swallowed past a lump in his throat, “I never had an example, and I vowed that I’d die before I treated any child of mine the way Howard treated me.”

_My dad never really gave me a lot of support, so I’m just trying to break the cycle of shame. _

“But I did, I did with the ferry and last weekend, and I am so sorry Peter, but I can’t let you be ruined by me.”

_I should recognize that kind of love, but I don’t. _

Peter realized with a little tear in his heart that Mr.Stark didn’t even know what paternal love felt like.

“So… so you yelled at me once and decided that you don’t even want to try anymore?” Peter didn’t mean for it to sound as angry as it did.

“I didn’t just yell at you Pete! I dismissed you, I didn’t let you get word in edgewise,_ I made you cry_.” Twice he’s done that, Tony thought bitterly.

_“Jesus Christ Peter, what the fuck were you thinking?” Tony stepped out of his suit and immediately advanced on the teen. _

_Peter looked like he knew he was in trouble, but Tony saw the flash of alarm in his eyes when he heard his mentor’s tone. It wasn’t enough to stop the mechanic._

_“I-Those people, they needed-”_

_“I told you to get back, that one of my suits would handle it. I give you an order, you follow it!” _

_“I know, and I’m sorry but-”_

_“No! No ‘buts’! That is the end of that statement! I. give. you. an. order. you. follow. it. I don’t want to hear anything else! I don’t need to worry about you being an idiot out there on top of everything else!” _

_Peter’s prickled with tears he desperately tried to hold back. “I’m sorry…”_

_“Zip it! I don’t want to hear you right now! Get cleaned up and go home. You’re done.” _

_A loose tear escaped. “Done?”_

_Tony recognized that voice, he saw another time and another tear, but his fury wouldn’t abate. “I’m not taking the goddamn suit, just go and do what you’re told; it’d be nice for once in your life.” _

_Peter nodded, a few more tears splashed against his cheeks, the teen rushed past the billionaire and slipped into his room. He tore the suit off and let his tears flow freely while the shower ran. _

_Tony heard the kid, he heard the kid as he walked past his room, heard him get out, a few minutes later he heard him leave through the window. _

_The mechanic picked up a wrench and destroyed whatever he could find in the workshop. _

He hadn’t been angry at Peter, he’d been terrified. The kid had almost been caught in another collapsed building because he’d been trying to evacuate it. It’d gone down, and Tony hadn’t known if Peter was out when it did.

But it was his job to sort that shit out before going off on the kid, it wasn’t an excuse, and neither was his shitty childhood. It was just him, and just him apparently couldn’t figure out how to do this without messing up the kid.

“Yeah but you apologized,” Peter cried, “you apologized the next day! And then for a week I tried coming over and you wouldn’t let me, you wouldn’t even _look at me. _I _forgave_ you. Did Howard ever apologize? Did he even feel _bad_?”

Tony’s silence was all Peter needed to continue.

“So you’re already better than he was, because you’re _trying_ to be better. Don’t you get that? No parent knows what to do! They all fuck up, and make mistakes, and then the good ones apologize and try their best to make it better!”

“My best isn’t good enough!”

“Your best is fine!”

“I’m going to ruin you! I can’t be responsible for…”

“I was a Hell of a lot worse before you came around Tony!”

That made the inventor choke on whatever response he’d been readying.

“You help me with my nightmares, and you show me how to do my homework, and watch Star Wars with me, and keep me safe, and you always let me talk for hours about whatever I want, and I thought I’d never get that back after Ben.” Peter swiped away a tear that had suddenly made an appearance on his cheek. “But I did, and you’re honestly great at it… and I was kind of spiraling after Ben died and then you were there, so yeah.”

“Kid I…” _I’m so scared I’m going to wreck you, that I’ll lose you or mess this up somehow. _

“You’re doing fine. If, if you really were my dad I’d say you’re managing pretty alright. That you’re actually pretty good at it,” Peter admitted, a faint blush colouring his cheeks.

“Okay,” Tony murmured, “okay, I’ll keep trying. Just, don’t let me ever make you doubt yourself kid. You’re already better than I’ll ever be.”

Peter launched himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck desperately. Tony caught him easily, pulling him closer by the waist.

“Don’t ever doubt yourself either, Mr.Stark, you’re not _him_. You’ve always been better than him because no matter what you do and the end of the day you always make me feel safe, and good, and loved.”

Tony intertwined his fingers with Peter’s curls, pulling his head into the crook of his neck and fighting off his persistent tears.

“Hey kid..."

"Yeah?"

"I figured out what that something was- I love you so much Peter.”

**Author's Note:**

> Awww they're just trying to be a family :) Thanks so much for reading, I hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> Comments help me get the motivation to write a LOT, and I'll love you always if you leave one! (Too late, I love you always anyways.) 
> 
> Come over to chat or scream or whatever else on [my Tumblr!](https://day-dreamer176.tumblr.com)


End file.
